Sunday, 27 November 2011

Sickbed thoughts

I’m lazy and devoid of inspiration, but that’s exactly why I want to write at least few words (to break trough that ugly stupor).
Outside the window the gale is howling like an angry ghost.
I’ve just watched an episode of a very bad Polish criminal series (Instynkt). Jeez, I have to unplug from the computer, I really feel it kills my creativity.

Ok, short recap:

- I had a knee surgery. I messed up me knee last November, when I decided to take up exercising (as a part of “fighting depression and anxiety program”). It was giving me a hell for a year so eventually I decided to do something about it. Now my knee looks like an elephant leg, I have two ugly holes on its sides and it hurts, but… I don’t have to go to work for a while, which is so nice! I can chill, read books and learn uke. Yuppiee! (My grown up friends - yes, I do think that unproductive, creative action is much more fun then working, and I'm proud of it;)

- Ukelele playing is going well. The truth is that the last day before I got my uke, was the last day of anxiety fits. Almost. I had some bad time when I tried a puff of weed on Friday. I guess those little pleasures are over for me. I’m not too sad about it. But generally I’m fine. I’m happy learning something new, it calms me down, silences my thoughts’ trains. But I lost sensation in my fingertips from the strings. I hope it will pass. Will it, guitar players?:)

- Reading “Smoke and Mirrors” by Neil Gaiman again. I love this guy. I think I’ve read everything he’s ever written, including all Sandman albums and its derivatives. He’s genius. I can not even pick my favourite book of his, though “Graveyard Book” would be high up on the list.

- Thoughts about anarchism. This word has such a bad connotation. Most people think about punks, red terrorism, noise, chaos, disorder. When you say “I am an anarchist” you can almost physically feel that people become condescending towards you (if not openly scornful). But there is such a philosophical and social richness behind this term. There are practical alternatives to the mess we are finding ourselves now, alternatives involving grass root democracy, working economical noncapitalist and nonsocialist (socialism understood here as a statism) schemes, ecological solutions, beautiful educational ideas, psychological schools. Everything is here, there is an ocean of concepts and ideas, one life is perhaps not enough to know them all, what to speak about trying them out. But I’m not bitter about people's ignorance. I study the topic and whenever someone is interested I try to shed some light or share some good books. It takes time, that’s all.

- When I was waking up after operation I told the doctors and nurses that I love them all, that they are real, beautiful angels, that this trip on the anaesthetics was better then any trip I’ve ever had. Then I forgot Polish and for fifteen minutes I spoke with Tania in English, which seriously freaked her out, he, he. I'm not going back to Amager Hospital for a while, no way.


  1. Sorry to hear about your knee, that's some ironic shit when you hurt yourself trying to get better.
    I love Smoke and Mirrors, i wanna read that again soon too. Snow, Glass, Apples is my favorite, i think.

  2. Hej Amalie. Yes, if i had to guess, I would say you are a Gaiman reader:)

  3. My favorite is definitely "Murder Mysteries" I loved the graphic rendition of it too.

  4. You can't not love Neil Gaiman. That's just not a possibility.