Friday, 28 October 2011
Last night I woke up in the middle of a very important, meaningful dream. I knew I had to remember it – it was my subconsciousness or whoever telling me something significant. It was dark, I didn’t want to wake up Tania and I was sleepy so I decided I wouldn’t turn lights on and write it down. Instead I memorized a key-word, which would remind me everything in the morning. I was so sure I would remember it, ha, ha. Well, maybe it wasn’t that important message after all.
The first two days of my weekend I spent mostly in bed reading books and watching new episodes of Dexter. Today, after doing a huge laundry, I dragged myself out. I took a train to Flintholm, then a metro to Christiania, had a walk there, drunk a small beer (which in Denmark means just “a beer”), smoked a cigarette (first one since a long time), then walked to Nørreport and back home. Nothing exciting. I’m not considering taking up smoking again. I’m just so tired of my anxiety and constant worrying about everything that I wanted to do something stupid and not to feel bad about it. It worked:)
Then I drew the blinds, put some chilled music on and napped with radiators full power on and air humidity of a rainforest (from all that laundry drying in the room). It felt like sleeping in a sauna. When Tania came from work she told me I’m crazy and I should open the window, because it feels like a stinky, sweaty jungle in here:)
Main reflection from today – I think I'm losing hope for profound communication with people. That was my main drive for the first half of my life (assuming that I'm in the middle of it) - actually last few years it became even a kind of obsession – but now I start to withdraw. All those journeys, talks, faith leaps, sacrifices, etc. - it just doesn’t seem to work. Either there is something wrong with me, either with humanity, or I’m just out of luck, and don’t get meeting the right people. Whatever the reason is, I’m turning inside. I’m still open (I wouldn’t continue this blog if I wasn’t), but it’s more a habit then something real. (I’m not being bitter or whining here, so thanks for well meant advices!;)
Ok, the last day off is almost over. Tomorrow back to work. And on Sunday my pay-cheque should arrive. I’m thinking about new shoes and winter coat. And gloves without fingers! I love those and the ones I have are in shreds already. And a new train pass (two zones). I feel like a Copenhagen king with it.
Labels: every day life